When you’re running on little rest, anxiety can feel louder, patience thinner, and everyday stress harder to manage. Your nervous system needs restoration to support your brain and body.
Be Social Without Spiraling - Practical tools for dealing with social anxiety at work
Key points
Social anxiety is common and can intensify in high-stakes work settings.
Start with awareness, not avoidance. Mindfulness builds awareness and creates distance from anxious thoughts.
Calming the body through breath and imagery reduces anxiety’s grip on you.
Prepared, values-driven conversations weaken avoidance and build confidence.
Source: Yan Krukau / Pexels
About 12 percent of people experience social anxiety at any given time, and for roughly a third of them, it causes serious impairment. At work, that anxiety can spike because you are already striving to put your best work forward, give public speeches, and/or challenge others' ideas.
For those experiencing moderate to serious impairment due to their social anxiety, working with a mental health professional is critical. Therapy offers structured, evidence-based care. If your symptoms are mild or you are waiting to find the right clinician, there are practical tools that can help you reduce anxiety and step forward.
1. Begin With Self-Awareness
Social anxiety thrives on autopilot. Your mind predicts rejection. Your body braces for threat. You react before you reflect. Mindfulness interrupts that loop.
Mindfulness can be simple. Notice the sounds around you. What is a constant hum? What's intermittent? Then shift your attention to the sensation of sitting—the weight of your body in the chair, your feet on the floor. Finally, widen your focus to what you can see around you. Notice where your anxiety sits in your body: tight chest, flushed face, clenched jaw.
Next, notice your worries. Are they about your work performance? Relationships with your colleagues? Your boss? When you notice the worry, gently label it: “I am having the thought that I will mess up my words.” Then once you have labelled it, let it float by. A thought is not a fact. Then, return to the present.
If anxiety resurfaces, label it again: “I am worrying again.” You are not trying to eliminate the feeling. You are learning to observe it without being pulled under.
2. Learn Relaxation Techniques
An anxious brain sends signals to the body to panic. A calm body can send signals back to the brain to relax. Practice relaxation techniques when you aren't in worry mode. This helps you build the skill and memory of how to do it when you are feeling anxious.
Start with diaphragmatic breathing. Sit upright. Place one hand on your belly and one on your chest. Breathe normally. Which hand moves? If your chest rises more than your belly, gently shift your breath downward so your abdomen expands. It will feel unnatural at first. Stay with it.
Gradually extend your inhale and exhale to about five seconds each. Find a time when you can practice this daily: before bed, while watching TV, in the bath, or during your morning coffee.
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You can also use imagery to create distance from your intrusive thoughts. Picture yourself sitting on a grassy hill. Sunlight warms your face. Birds call from a nearby tree. A slow train passes about 30 feet away. Now, place each anxious thought onto one of these train cars. Watch it roll by. One car for one thought. If no thoughts arise, imagine a car labeled “no thoughts.” The point is not to stop thinking. It is to see thoughts as passing events.
If you aren't into trains, find an image that does work for you: clouds in the sky, leaves in a stream, balloons drifting upward.
3. Practice
Avoiding social situations will keep the anxiety alive. Gentle, planned exposure will weaken it.
You can practice for a social interaction at work. First, shift your focus to what you want to gain from the social situation. Are you asking for support? Giving feedback? Wanting to raise a concern? Then draft a short script or key messages of what you would like to say. Use “I” statements: “I feel concerned about…” or “I think we might consider…” Identify what you specifically need. It usually will help give you courage if you also explain how your request benefits the other person or the team. Also, note in advance where you may be willing to compromise.
Practice aloud—in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend. Expect anxiety to show up. But now, it's showing up on your own terms. Then practice your relaxation techniques to release any tight body posture and slow down your heart rate. This helps expose you to the anxiety, but under your own terms. It also gives you the tools to see anxiety as just a passing event, which you can calm yourself out of.
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Like any skill, assertive communication improves with practice. Each conversation becomes evidence that discomfort is survivable—and often productive. Anxiety may still whisper. Let it. You are learning to respond, not react.
5 Things Therapy Can Do for You (and 5 Things It Can't)
Knowing what therapy can and can’t do helps you hit the ground running.
Key points
Therapy has limits. It can help you gain skills and new perspectives, but it can't control your motivation.
Having clear, achievable goals from the start helps you get the most out of the process.
Don't be afraid to ask questions or shop around to ensure a good fit.
Over my 50 years of practice, I’ve learned that therapy, like most professions, has both limits and strengths. Here’s my top-five list of what therapy cannot do.
1. Motivate you
You’ve probably known people who could benefit from therapy to help them resolve problems, gain a different perspective, learn skills, and make sense of their pasts. But they don’t try it because it seems too overwhelming, or they don’t know how to find someone skilled enough, or they’re afraid they’ll be stuck in it forever. And then there are those who come in once or twice because they are sent by the court, their attorney, their partner, or their boss. They come to comply, to get these others off their back, but basically they believe they don’t need therapy.
A good therapist can make starting and attending sessions as comfortable as possible for the anxious; they can inspire hope, but they can’t get them through the front door. And for those who don’t want to be there, there's little to do—the therapist is providing a service; they’re not a cop.
2. Directly change other people in your life
Often, those who come to appease someone else believe the other person is the one with the problem and who really needs therapy. Similarly, many of the couples I see come in with the hope and expectation that, if only they or I can get the other person to change, their lives will improve by 100%. Therapy can provide a safe space for someone to express what they’d like the other person to change, but it’s up to the other person to decide whether they are willing to do it. We’re back to talking about motivation.
That said, therapy can help you become a change agent in the relationship. Because relationships are based on patterns—the ways individuals bounce off each other—one person’s change can motivate change in the other. The dance between them shifts.
3. Fix vague problems
Therapy can’t make you happy because happiness is a byproduct of fixing something else—a relationship, your job, or the chemistry of your brain through medication. Ditto for “improving communication” or “getting respect.” The key lies in focusing and fixing the specific underlying issues.
4. Guarantee you will achieve a concrete goal
This is the other side of the same coin. If, say, your goal is to make $1 million or find your soulmate, therapy is not the genie in the lamp. Like happiness, the money or soulmate are the end points of a process, and what therapy is good at is helping you navigate the process—for example, increasing your self-confidence or your ability to take risks or to be less impulsive. But delivering on that million dollars or soulmate? Nope.
5. Guarantee it will work
Therapy, unlike, say, plumbing, isn’t straightforward, and even plumbers can have trouble fixing certain problems. Successful therapy clearly depends on the therapist's skill, their approach to your problem, as well as your full buy-in as the client. When all these factors align, therapy works, but when they don’t, for any reason, the outcome becomes less certain.
So, if this is what therapy isn't good at, what is it useful for? Here again are my top five.
1. Teach skills
If you struggle with anxiety, anger, or depression, therapy can help you learn to control your emotions. If you find yourself arguing with your partner, therapy can teach you effective communication skills.
2. Help you understand how your mind works
Again, patterns. Just like a skilled card player takes time to learn the tells of other players, a therapist gets to know you and identifies your emotional and cognitive patterns. Providing you with this feedback helps you become more aware of what makes you tick.
3. Change your story
Psychodynamic approaches that explore your past also help you view it from a different perspective. The story you’ve been telling yourself for years may now seem different. This change in how you see your past can, in turn, alter your view of yourself in the present.
4. Create a safe space for mediating relationship problems
Many couples and families I’ve seen over the years often needed a strong referee to help guide difficult conversations, as well as someone with fresh eyes to ask tough questions and point out the elephants in the room everyone was ignoring.
5. Encourage new behaviors and provide support.
A therapist is like a coach, a cheerleader, a strict headmaster, and a kind Mr. Rogers all in one. They can hold you accountable so you don’t slack off, show empathy when you feel discouraged or helpless, and help you get unstuck when you’re feeling stuck.
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Go in with eyes wide open
The theme here is to have realistic expectations so that you not only avoid feeling disappointed or frustrated, but also hit the ground running and make the most of your time and money. Don’t hesitate to shop around or ask questions, no matter how trivial they may seem.
Most importantly, don’t settle for what you get.
Strengthening Self-Worth Practical tips for increasing your sense of self-worth.
Key points
Low self-worth leads to unhelpful thoughts and behaviors.
You can boost your mood and well-being by taking steps to strengthen your self-worth.
Engage in self-care, do things you enjoy, voice your desires and needs, and challenge self-critical thoughts.
Low self-worth can lead to unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, which can worsen your mood and lower your quality of life. For example, you may constantly criticize yourself, not voice your needs, or tolerate disrespectful behavior from others. You don’t have to feel great about yourself all the time. It is important to make room for all of your thoughts and feelings. However, if you notice your sense of self-worth is consistently low, it may be worthwhile to practice some ways to strengthen your sense of self, as doing so can create more helpful behavior and boost your mood and well-being.
Below are some practical tips for increasing self-worth:
Treat yourself well by engaging in self-care. How you treat yourself influences how you value yourself. Self-care may look like taking time for activities you enjoy, doing something relaxing, spending time with loved ones, getting fresh air, eating regularly, drinking water, sleeping, or wearing clothes that help you feel good.
Write a list of the qualities and attributes about yourself that you admire, value, or are proud of. Add to the list as you think of new ones, and periodically review the list so you can keep these qualities fresh in your mind.
Remind yourself of your core values and preferences. What is most important and meaningful to you in life? Write these down and periodically read your list.
Repeat helpful statements to yourself that support your worth as you are. For example, “I am worthy as I am.” “I have value.” “I am deserving of love and respect.” “I am perfectly imperfect.” “I am wonderfully complex.” “I am kind and caring, and my presence benefits others.”
Do things you enjoy! It is important to take time for things you enjoy. Doing so eases stress, can increase your quality of life, and reminds you that you deserve to enjoy life. What sounds enjoyable to you? If a certain activity is currently out of reach or unrealistic, see if you can start with something smaller and more doable that you still enjoy. For example, watching a movie, eating a favorite food, or playing a fun game.
Spend time with people who are encouraging and supportive, and with whom you feel comfortable being your authentic self.
t accurate? Is there a more balanced way to think about this? What would I say to a close fPractice challenging or mentally distancing from unhelpful thoughts that lower self-esteem and self-confidence. For example, write down one example of an unhelpful self-critical thought each day and ask yourself, “Is this 100 percenriend?” Then write down the alternative thought and repeat it to yourself each time an unhelpful self-critical thought arises.
Set goals. Setting and achieving goals builds confidence. What is a realistic and meaningful action you could take? Start small.
Practice expressing yourself directly and honestly. This can feel vulnerable and takes practice. Direct communication is a way to communicate to yourself that your needs, desires, and values are important. If communicating directly is difficult for you, practice writing out what you want to say and saying it aloud to yourself first.
Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, big and small. It’s an achievement when you get to the end of a stressful week or take steps toward something important to you. Acknowledge and celebrate these. For example, compliment yourself, take time to relax, or have a favorite food or beverage.
How to Have the Perfect Snow Day
Even if you don't get the day off, a snow day can benefit your mental health.
Key points
Snow days can be a break from your routine.
To make the most of snow days, be intentional about how you spend your time.
Studies link fun snow day activities with mental health benefits.
Source: Pixabay / Pexels
Like much of the country, we had snow days this week in Washington, DC. There is something nostalgic and special about a snow day, especially if you grew up in the northern half of the United States. While I did not have the day off from work, I still did my best to make the day special for my children (and myself). As a psychologist who often sees patients virtually, I had the benefit of hearing from many others who enjoyed their snow days as well. I wanted to share some of their insights, as well as some grounded in science, for your next snow day. My hope is that it helps you to make the most of the opportunity. Here are my recommendations:
Get outside. According to one study in Finland, exposure to a snow-covered landscape decreased negative mood indices, including tension-anxiety and anger-hostility measures.
Play in the snow. Not surprisingly, play is shown to enhance positive emotions, even in adults. One study proposes that play allows us to thrive and make meaningful connections in our lives.
Interact with others. Consistent with the above, connecting with others can build community and is shown to be a protective factor for mental health. On a snow day, there is a sense that we are all “in it together,” so connect with your family and neighbors around the snow.
Help each other out. Whether an elderly neighbor needs a hand shoveling or a run to the store for supplies, a snow day is the perfect time to think of others. Studies show that altruism is not only helpful to others but positive for our mental health as well.
Take lots of pictures. Snow days are memorable as they are happening, but they are also fun to remember years later. Even as an adult, I can remember the nostalgia of playing with friends on a snow day. Pictures will help you to look back on the day with fond memories.
Have a special meal. This is a good day to cook a hearty stew. The smell throughout the day will help to make your home feel even cozier. If you want to add to the ambiance, eat dinner via candlelight.
Stay safe. Most importantly, be sure to stay safe. According to the American Heart Association, shoveling snow can increase the risk of a heart attack, especially for those who are not physically fit or have a heart condition. Falls are also common in the ice and snow, and driving is more dangerous. So, be sure to stay safe while you enjoy your snow day.
Winter Identity Drift
Resolution Burnout
Resolution burnout can happen when the initial excitement of “New Year, New Me” fades — and you’re left feeling overwhelmed or unmotivated instead of energized. Many people set ambitious goals only to see them fizzle out quickly and by the end of January, roughly 40–45% of people have stopped working toward their original goals.
