Holiday Blues- Put Your Mental Health First This Holiday Season

Dec 01, 2021 1:15 PM

Author: Leann Bentley, Social Media and Communications Specialist, HMHI

The holiday season may be “the most wonderful time of the year," but it’s the most dreaded for some. The holidays fill the air with happiness and cheer, yet they can also carry stress and sadness for many people, especially those who deal with an underlying mental health condition. 

Rachel Weir, MD, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Huntsman Mental Health Institute, shares her expertise and tips on making this holiday season more enjoyable—for everyone.

It’s essential to recognize how you are feeling, Weir says. If you notice yourself feeling more down, irritable, tearful, or exhausted, or having more difficulties with your sleep or appetite than usual, it’s time to ask for help.

If you have already been diagnosed with depression or an anxiety disorder in the past, it may be time to check in with your treating clinician to see about adjusting your treatment. If you have never been diagnosed with depression but are experiencing some of the symptoms above, you may consider seeing your primary care provider or a mental health professional to assess and possibly start treatment. 

Changes in Mood Could Be Telltale Signs 

Many things can help your changing mood that are outside of traditional treatment. “It’s imperative to realize when your mood starts to fall, there is usually a drop in activities that contribute to positive mood,” Weir says. “When you start to feel bad, you tend to do less, and when you do less, you can end up feeling even worse.”

Avoiding Holiday Stress and Anxiety

“Too often, we act based on how we feel, rather than what we should be doing, or what is best for us,” Weir says. “We let these negative feelings take over—thoughts like, ‘I don’t feel like seeing a friend’ or ‘I feel like having a drink,’ etc. These thoughts can be clues that we are acting based on a negative feeling. When we are not feeling our best, we don’t feel like doing much of anything positive.”

Here are a few suggestions from Weir to avoid—or cope—with the holiday blues.  

  • Follow a schedule. “It’s important to schedule things and ideally have someone like a friend, family member, or therapist hold you accountable to following through,” Weir says. Writing down your schedule for the day makes it easier to stick to a plan.

  • Write things down. “Write down things that help you boost your mood and note what you are doing when you are feeling your best,” Weir says. Even something as simple as keeping a journal or writing on a sticky note or notepad can help you reflect and see the patterns on days that you felt better. Then, you can use those tips for days that are harder.

  • Limit your alcohol use. “This can be hard to do during the holiday season due to festivities and how frequently people tend to turn to alcohol to cope with stress,” Weir says. “But excessive alcohol use can have a harmful effect on mood and sleep.” Try to limit alcohol to holiday social events and no more than 1-2 drinks in one sitting. Or ditch the alcohol entirely and enjoy other holiday beverages like cider or hot chocolate.

  • Plan something for yourself after the holidays. A vacation, even if short, can really boost spirits. Having something to look forward to is important, and this does not have to be an expensive outing. Even a day out with one or two people you care about can lift your mood exponentially.

  • Watch what you are eating. “It’s completely normal to splurge on holiday cookies and treats during this time, and that’s okay,” Weir says. “But try to balance the indulgence by planning healthy meals on days when you don’t have social events or plans.”

  • Volunteer. Giving back to your community and to others in need can be a great way to do something positive that helps you as well as others. Volunteering can also be a great way to connect with people who may share similar interests if you are feeling lonely. Many people volunteer or donate during the holiday season, but try to turn this into a year-round activity, even if you can only give a few hours per month.

  • Limit your time on social media. “Social media doesn’t always make people feel better, and there is growing concern it may make your mental health worse,” Weir says. Social media can be overwhelming at times, but even more so around the holidays, when people have more free time on their hands to use their devices. However, Weir reminds us that “people’s lives aren’t as rosy as they portray on social media - this can be hard to realize when you are feeling low. So limit your time on your devices, and spend time doing the things you do enjoy with the people you care about.”

  • Set boundaries. Be comfortable with saying no to things, and to people that may cause you stress. Setting healthy boundaries with things, people and family is even more important during the holiday season.

The holidays are to be enjoyed with the people you love and care about, but they can also be hard for many people. It’s perfectly normal to feel sad at times, but if you note these feelings lasting longer than a few days, please reach out to loved ones and mental health professionals to get help.  

Music As Therapy

Dick Clark said, “Music is the soundtrack to our lives.” I don’t disagree with that. Think about how music has highlighted poignant interludes in your life, such as when you danced at prom, cheered a team on to a big win, or cooed a lullaby to a baby. Music helps you brave traffic and it soothes you to sleep. And music can keep you occupied as you wait for the cable company to answer the phone...whether you like it or not.

Often, music has had one other important task: It's there when we are sad. Have you ever been dumped and then played on repeat the Bonnie Rait song, “I Can’t Make You Love Me"? Or perhaps lost a loved one and cried to “Tears In Heaven” by Eric Clapton until you had no more tears? The point is, when we are sad we seek out music that seems to understand exactly how we feel. Sometimes the music can make us feel better, sometimes it can make us feel worse. Regardless, we have it to help us recognize that life can be full of heartbreak, loss, and loneliness.

So what happens when you realize that Celine Dion knows a thing or two and your heart will indeed go on? When you have decided you are sick of letting the same people break your heart, tired of being angry your friends ditched you, or you just want to feel less anxious about what you can’t control? You need some new tunes.

Utilizing the theory of cognitive-behavioral therapy, or CBT, I work to teach my clients that what we say to ourselves has a direct correlation to how we feel, and thus affects how we act. In this sense, listening to Whitney Houston belt out “Annnnnd I……………….Will always love yooooooou” might be telling you there is no one else out there to love. You might then feel hopeless, depressed, and truly lost. Are you then going to run to the next computer to perk up your online dating profile? Probably not. Albert Ellis, one of the minds behind CBT, once said, “Accept that along with many good things, bad things exist, change them if you can, and accept what you can’t change. Remember it’s your thoughts that create the way you feel. It’s practically never hopeless. Acceptance is the key.” So let’s modify the playlist, change what the song is telling you, and thus adjust your feelings and ultimately your behavior.

I am going to present to you three songs I believe have the type of messages you can utilize to help cope with what life brings:

“Things Happen” (Dawes)

In this song, the singer says very plainly, “Things happen, that’s all they ever do.” To me, this line is significant in that it brings life’s ups and downs into a simple statement of fact. By saying “things happen,” you are accepting the present moment as it is. You are allowing the chain of events that brought you here to exist as they are, and, in doing so, removing residual blame, shameguilt, and/or anger. By accepting the “things” that occur in your life, you are able to move forward, instead of being stuck in wanting to change something you cannot.

Another line in the song goes, “You can just ignore it, put it out of mind / But ain’t it funny how the past won’t ever let something lie?” The song is reminding us that we can’t stop our thoughts from happening. By trying to ignore them, we are refusing to believe in our own truths and feelings. Instead identify your thought as helpful or hurtful, accept that “things happen,” and move forward with purpose.

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“Nothin But Time” (Cat Power)

Cat Power’s Chan Marshall told reporters that she wrote this song for her friend’s bullied teenage daughter. In it are the words, “Your world is just beginning… It's up to you to be a superhero / It's up to you to be like nobody.” Reflective of the It Gets Better Project, this song is a reminder not just to the young but to all of us that what feels heavy and insurmountable now can change through time and personal growth. You’ve heard the phrase, “One day at a time," itself a wonderful coping statement. Cat Power is reminding you that those days are many and that as you go through each one, “You ain’t got nothing but time / And it ain’t got nothing on you.” The power in this song is that it forces you to take yourself out of the direct moment and gives you a foundation for personal evolution. It reminds you of the choice you have: staying in the hurt and pain or moving forward, one step at a time, one day at a time.

“Shake It Off” (Taylor Swift)

What do you tell yourself when people make fun of you, say you’re no good, or that you have no future? How about “ Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake / Shake it off, shake it off.” This song is a powerful anthem for anyone who ever felt mistreated by those around them.

Swift sings of other people's opinions but never gives those opinions any weight. She doesn’t say to herself, “Maybe they are right” or “I must not be that great because of what they are saying about me.” Instead, she trusts herself to know who she is deep down and believes that to be true. “Haters gonna hate” indeed. You can’t change how others act or what they think. You can try by being a good person, but ultimately it is out of your control.

Sir Anthony Hopkins once said, “My philosophy is: It's none of my business what people say of me and think of me.” Stop letting others challenge who you believe in yourself to be true. Swift sings, “It’s like I got this music / In my mind, saying it’s gonna be alright.” That music she sings of is her changing those automatic negative thought patterns and in doing so, changing her feelings of self-worth.

There are countless other songs that are out there to pick you up, help you think clearly, and show you there is a better way to treat yourself. Christina Aguilera believes “You’re Beautiful,” Katrina & the Waves encourage you to keep “Walking on Sunshine,” and Journey reminds you, “Don’t Stop Believing." Use the power of music to change what you say to yourself. Yes there is heartbreak, yes there are mean people, and of course, times can be rough. But to help what you say to yourself, “Let the Music Do the Talking” (Aerosmith).