Change Your Narrative
6 Ways to Practice Grounding
Quick ways to relax & take a break
Reasons to Love Your Body
Four things you can do to support your teen's mental health
Whether you and your teen are getting along well or having challenges, it is important to show that you love and support them, that you can help them navigate tough times and that you are always there for them.
Here are four things to keep in mind when having that ‘how-are-you-doing?’ conversation with your teen and to show that you are always there for them.
1. Encourage them to share their feelings
Look for ways to check in with your teen. Ask them how their day has been and what they have been doing. It could be by inviting them to join you in a task, such as preparing dinner, so you can use the time to chat about their day.
Remind them that you are there for them, no matter what, and that you want to hear how they are feeling and what they are thinking. A few simple words of encouragement can help them feel comfortable sharing their feelings with you.
It is important to acknowledge and understand emotions they might be experiencing, even if it feels uncomfortable. When they open up to you, you can respond with “I understand”, “it sounds like a difficult situation” or “that makes sense”.
It can be easy to notice the things your teen is doing that you do not like. But also try to notice and praise them for something they are doing well — even something simple like cleaning up after themselves.
2. Take the time to support them
Work together on setting up new routines and achievable daily goals. You could fit in home chores around school work or set a target like getting homework done before dinner.
Adolescence means independence! Try to give your teen the appropriate time and space to be on their own. Needing space is a normal part of growing up.
Find a few ways you can support and encourage your teen to take breaks (from schoolwork, housework, or other activities they may be working on) to do things they enjoy. If your teen feels frustrated, work with them to brainstorm some solutions to problems. Try not to take over and tell them what to do.
3. Work through conflict together
Listen to your teen’s views and try to sort out conflict calmly. Remember: everyone gets stressed!
Never discuss an issue while you are angry. Walk away, take a breath and calm down — you can talk with your teen about it later.
Avoid power struggles. With the world feeling unpredictable and options looking limited right now, teens might be struggling to be in control. As difficult as it can be in the moment, empathize with their desire to assert control in a scary time, rather than attempting to fight back or overpower it.
Be honest and transparent with your teen: you can let them know that you are experiencing extra stress as well. Showing them how you deal with your own difficult feelings can help them know their feelings are okay.
When there is conflict, take some time to reflect on how you and your teen can resolve it. You can discuss these reflections with your teen, so they see how you are processing ideas.
4. Care for yourself
Caregivers have a lot to deal with. You also need care and support for yourself. Showing self-care is also a good way of modelling the practice to your teen.
Don’t wait to ask others for help if you are feeling overwhelmed. It is normal and okay to feel this way. Find a family member or someone you can talk to.
Make time for your own relationships. Try to find a few people that you can share feelings and experiences with. Set aside some time with them each day, to check in on how you are feeling.
Make time in your day to do the things that help you cope with and manage stress. Whether your day is busy or slow, we know that making time to look after yourself is essential for your wellbeing. Doing the things you like or simply taking a few minutes off from your day can help you feel relaxed and re-energized.
Try different positive coping strategies that work for you. Some ideas include: exercising, talking with friends, making to-do lists or planning ahead, maintaining routines and structures, reflecting on what you are grateful for or proud of, and doing things you enjoy like music, art, dancing and keeping a journal.
Less Obvious Signs of Anxiety
12 Common Habits that Make Anxiety Worse & How to Change Them
What habits are making your anxiety worse?
Chronic anxiety can be caused by an array of external factors – such as trauma, chronic illness, death of a loved one, losing a job, and anxiety running in the family - often situations that are outside of our control.
But we can also have bad habits that make anxiety worse, and this is the part we can control. Once you are aware of your bad habits, and commit to changing them, you can begin to reduce and manage your anxiety.
A few common examples of bad habits that make anxiety worse include poor eating habits, not exercising, drinking caffeine, skipping meals, eating processed foods, reaching for sugar, not getting enough fluids, consuming alcohol, and going to bed too late.
During my nearly 20-year struggle with chronic anxiety, I knew that it was caused by war trauma, but unfortunately, I wasn't aware of my bad habits heavily impacted my anxiety levels over the years.
My lack of understanding eventually led to my anxiety spiraling out of control, and by the time I was in my 20s, and only a few years into my career in investment banking in London, I could no longer go to work.
This is how I learned - the hard way - that identifying our anxious habits is necessary to stop anxiety from taking over!
In this article, you’ll learn what are the 12 most common habits that make anxiety worse to help you start revaluating where you can take control.
So, please read on, as this is very important.
12 Common Habits that Make Anxiety Worse
The following 12 habits are common amongst anxiety sufferers, and these are also the habits that I had to change to get my anxiety under control.
I know that this is not going to be an easy task for you, but I also know that it is possible to change these into something more positive and less anxious, and that it's worth the effort.
If you want to start reducing your anxiety, then read on and give it all you've got!
1. Drinking Caffeine
Caffeine is a major anxiety trigger, and while studies find that cutting down on caffeine benefits people with anxiety disorders, I had to eliminate it completely.
After monitoring the relationship between caffeine and anxiety for a few years, I realized that caffeine was causing havoc to my anxiety levels and sleep quality. Even when I went down to just one latte a day (weak coffee) I still noticed a negative impact on my anxiousness.
So, despite my love for coffee, I made the decision to give up caffeine altogether for the benefit of my anxiety.
Since then I have overcome my Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but I still do not consume coffee today, and I urge you to eliminate caffeine as well.
Think of caffeine as an “anxiety amplifier”. For example, if your anxiety is at level 5, few hours after consuming caffeine, your anxiety is likely to be at least at level 8, which will increase to 10 or more in the evening. Further, if you don’t sleep well that night, your anxiety will be even higher in the morning. But then you're likely to have your morning caffeine fix, triggering the same process all over again.
One study looked at the effects of caffeine on patients with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) compared to normal subjects and found “patients with GAD are abnormally sensitive to caffeine.”
This connection between caffeine and anxiety is not obvious because we temporarily feel good after consuming, and we don’t feel the anxious effects until hours later.
Caffeine is not only in coffee. It is also in black tea, green tea, soda, energy drinks, and even in decaf coffee to some extent, so to eliminate caffeine, you also need to eliminate these drinks.
If you are not ready to give up caffeine for good, then at least try eliminating it for 30 days and track your anxiety levels during that period to keep a note of any differences.
I have listed caffeine as number one on this list of habits that make anxiety worse, because
it is one of most common habits,
but it's also one of the worst anxiety triggers,
and when I eliminated it, I noticed significant and positive changes in my anxiety levels and sleep.
One thing that I have learned, and would like to highlight to you, one coffee a day is still a big trigger for anxiety.
I have to be honest with you, because my only aim is to help you reduce your anxiety. And I wish someone said this to me.
2. Skipping Meals
Skipping meals can trigger anxiety!
In our anxiety-filled lives skipping meals is all too common. Either our minds are preoccupied with excessive worry and fear, or we have no appetite or the desire to eat.
But skipping meals causes hypoglycemia (when blood sugar falls below normal levels) that can lead to common anxiety symptoms such as irritability, nervousness, dizziness, light-headedness, and weakness.
According to research, “recurrent hypoglycemia increases anxiety.”
In several other studies, poor eating patterns were associated with anxiety and depressive disorders.
Dieting can also trigger anxiety-like symptoms, especially if you eliminate one of the major essential nutrients (carbs, fats, or proteins).
3. Eating Processed Foods
The consumption of processed foods can negatively impact your anxiety and health.
Common examples include, microwave meals, sugary foods, refined carbohydrates, cold meats, sauces, dressings, and foods with long list of ingredients.
Processed foods are likely to contain chemical ingredients and additives, and according to research these ingredients added to foods can promote anxiety, while reduce mood and social behavior.
The following additives are some of the worst culprits,
Artificial sweeteners i.e. aspartame
Colorings and food dyes, i.e. Red #40 and Yellow #5
Flavor enhancers such as Monosodium glutamate (MSG)
Dyes and artificial sweeteners are neurotoxins that have shown to disrupt the nervous system, leading to increased anxiety levels.
4. Reaching for Sugar
Sugar is bad news for anxiety and needs to be avoided.
But unfortunately, even if we know we should cut down on sugar, it's common to crave sugary foods when feeling anxious.
According to research sugar has the ability to temporarily suppress an area of the brain usually active when anxious, by pausing the release of stress hormone (cortisol). This is why we can experience a snippet of anxiety relief when eating something sugary, that often leads to us to crave sugar and become reliant.
But consuming sugar increases anxiety and reactivity to stress, leading to more anxiousness.
The consumption of sugar triggers sudden spikes and dips in blood sugar, known to cause irritability, nervousness and low-mood, thereby negatively impacting your state of anxiety.
Furthermore, sugar has been linked to inflammation, nutrient deficiencies, weight gain, diabetes, obesity, heart, kidney and liver disease, and multiple studies show that these conditions can result in more anxiety and other mental health disorders.
So, to manage your anxiety, you need to start eliminating sugary foods. I know this is not easy as I also had to do this after being a sugar addict for most of my life. But with time and commitment, I managed to reduce my sugar cravings, and gradually, eliminate refined sugar from my diet. You can do this too!
To begin with avoid the obvious culprits such as cakes, cookies, chocolate, puddings, pastries, ice-cream, milkshakes, waffles and similar.
But also get into the habit of reading labels the ingredients list on food labels as 75% of packaged foods contain added sugar. Also, be ware that even the so called healthy foods such as granola bars, muesli, yoghurts, smoothies can contain added sugar.
A healthy and balanced diet can help you increase your intake of natural whole foods, leaving less room for anything that's processed and contains added sugar! Eating healthily will also reduce your sugar cravings.
5. Not Getting Enough Fluids
If you don't get enough water daily, this can affect your anxiety.
Dehydration causes stress to your body, and when your body is stressed, you can experience common anxiety symptoms.
One study looked at the effects of water on mood and found that,
Restricting water intake resulted in a decrease in contentedness, calmness, positive emotions and vigor/activity, while increasing water consumption led to a decrease in fatigue, confusion, and thirst.
Studies also show that dehydration can cause low mood. Mild dehydrated can trigger feelings of anger, confusion, tension, and fatigue.
That's why staying hydrated is important when you are prone to anxiety, but it's also essential for your overall health.
What's more, water has natural calming properties.
So, ensuring that you are hydrated each day will not only help you avoid unnecessary dehydration-related anxiety, but according to Harvard Medical School drinking enough water can help you relieve anxiety.
According to the U.S. National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, women need to consume about 11.5 cups (2.7 liters) of fluids a day, while men need 15.5 cups (3.7 liters).
6. Poor Eating Habits
Unhealthy eating habits can heavily affect your anxiety levels.
For example,
eating too little or overeating,
not having enough vegetables, whole grains and other natural whole foods,
consuming too many processed foods and drinks, which are high in fat, salt and/or sugar, or low in dietary fiber, and
not chewing your food properly.
These poor eating habits can affect your intake of essential nutrients - carbohydrates, protein, essential fatty acids, vitamins and minerals - that are necessary for mental health and the functioning of the nervous system.
Studies have shown that a deficiency in certain nutrients can affect mood and anxiety levels.
One study showed that nutrients such as B vitamins, vitamin C and E, magnesium, selenium, and omega 3 fatty acids are likely to be deficient in people with anxiety disorders and other mental health issues.
One study found that unhealthy eating habits are correlated with mental health problems.
7. Consuming Alcohol
Alcohol is a common coping mechanism for anxiety.
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA),
About 20 percent of people with social anxiety disorder also suffer from alcohol abuse or dependence, and a recent study found that the two disorders have a stronger connection among women.
But while alcohol temporarily stimulates "happy chemicals" in the brain (such as serotonin, and dopamine) making you feel happier and less anxious, it can also raise your anxiety levels within just a few hours after consuming.
As alcohol starts to wear off, you're likely to feel more anxious, tired and down, than before you had a drink.
Drinking alcohol in excess can also result in hangovers - with symptoms including nausea, dizziness, headaches, dehydration, and low blood sugar - further contributing to your anxiety problem.
But that's not all, overconsumption of alcohol increases the risk of chronic disease and other mental health disorders.
One study found a significant link between the level of alcohol consumption and mental health problems and academic performance.
8. Not Exercising
Not being physically active is another habit that can cause anxiety. If you sit down all day, and never exercise, your physical and mental health is likely to suffer as a result.
That's because, your body is designed to move, and certain bodily functions depend on physiological movement.
For example, the lymph system requires breathing and muscle movement to help move fluids and remove waste from your body. If you don't have a habit of moving your body sufficiently, these processes begin to work inefficiently. Excess toxins in your body can trigger anxiety.
Studies have shown that sedentary lifestyle (sitting all day) increases the risk of anxiety and depression,
Higher sedentary time (≥8 h) increased the odds for anxiety and depression, and moderate to high physical activity decreased the odds for anxiety and depression.
Inactivity also increases the risk of diabetes, and obesity, cardiovascular diseases, colon cancer, osteoporosis, lipid disorders, and high blood pressure.
The World Health Organization (WHO) claims that physical inactivity is the fourth leading cause of death globally, resulting in an estimated 3.2 million deaths worldwide.
In contrast, regular participation in aerobic exercise has shown to decrease tension, elevate and stabilize mood, improve sleep, and improve self-esteem.
One study showed,
There is strong evidence from animal studies that exercise and regular activity positively impacts the pathophysiological processes of anxiety. Numerous studies and meta-analyses show that exercise is also associated with reduced anxiety in clinical settings.
But what if you suffer from weakness, low energy or lack motivation?
Start with short walks around your building, house or neighborhood.
For example, walking 10,000 steps throughout the day is a good way to ensure continuous movement. If you can't walk this much at first, don't worry, that's fine. Do what you can, and work your way up to this.
9. Lack of Sleep
Sleep problems are a common symptom of anxiety disorders, but not getting enough sleep can also make you more anxious.
According to research,
Sleep deprivation is positively correlated with anxiety, as well as, tension, nervousness, and irritability.
One recent study showed that getting less than eight hours sleep can increase repetitive negative thoughts, and make it harder to let go of negative stuff - symptoms that are characteristic of anxiety.
10. Watching the News
Anxiety is characterized by excessive worry and fear, and watching the news can exacerbate that problem, leaving you feeling moody and anxious afterward.
One study found that,
Watching the news on television triggers persisting negative psychological feelings.
The participants as part of that study experienced an increase in anxiety, and total mood disturbance (TMD), only 15 minutes after watching the news.
While it is important to keep up to date with what is going on in the world, watching or reading the news first thing in the morning can set an anxious tone for the day, while engaging with negative images and words last thing at night, is likely to affect your sleep quality.
Now that you know news has this kind of affect on anxiety, make sure you avoid anything news-related first thing and last thing of the day.
11. Comparing Yourself to Others
In today's world with social media and the internet, we have instant access to images from peoples' lives, making it easy and common to have a habit of comparing yourself to others.
But when you do this on a daily basis, you cause unhappiness, low mood, and negative thoughts, that lead to anxiety.
Also, comparing yourself to others is unrealistic and unfair, because you're likely to focus on someone's best aspects in comparison to your weakest.
I compared myself to others for most of my life and it caused me a lot of pain and suffering. During that time it never occurred to me that I have anything great to offer. But when I copied others in their style and personality traits, I wasn't pleased with that either.
It was only when my anxiety became unbearable and I started to read self-help books that I understood, each person on this planet is unique and has unique strengths and talents. When something is unique, by definition it cannot be compared to someone or something else.
This is when I began practicing returning focus on myself, and letting go of what others are doing and achieving. This was liberating, a feeling that I want you to feel as well.
I also understood the following,
The only person you should try to be better than, is who you were yesterday.
- Anonymous
The more you focus on your own abilities and achievements, the more you will love yourself. And when you learn to truly love yourself, comparison and anxiety are likely to disappear.
12. Ignoring Your Anxiety
Your anxiety is a signal that is trying to indicate that there is something you need to work on or change. If you ignore this signal, it is going to get louder, until it is heard.
I was someone who ignored my anxiety for over 15 years, while carrying on as usual, but eventually, my anxiety took control over me and my life!
In my experience, it is much better to start paying attention to your anxiety as soon as you can, to identify your negative thought patterns and bad habits before things get out of hand.
For example, start keeping a daily record of your
Anxiety levels
Daily Activities - meals, exercise, journaling, affirmations, etc.
Worries and fears
15-minutes brain dump
By doing this, you can identify the things that makes you more anxious, or less anxious, and then make changes accordingly.
This is how I came up with the above list of bad habits, and how you can also become aware of any other habits that need your time and attention.
Final Thoughts on Bad Habits that Make Anxiety Worse
Your anxiety disorder could have started as a result of something that was outside of your control, such as trauma or death of a loved one.
But you can adopt habits that make your anxiety worse, and that is something you can try to change.
Some of the things that can make your anxiety worse include lack of exercise, poor diet and eating habits, dehydration, additives, refined sugar, alcohol, caffeine, and not enough sleep.
Make a list of your bad habits, and set small actionable goals to make your first steps in changing them.
Once you start take action to manage your anxiety, you can expect to relieve your symptoms.
The power is within you. If you want to do this, you can, I promise you!
Love, Sandi
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
Happiness Chemicals (and how to hack them)
Burnout & the Brain
How to Start Meditating
Attachment Styles & Their Role in Relationships
What are adult attachment styles and how do they affect intimate relationships?
John Bowlby’s work on attachment theory dates back to the 1950’s. Based on his theory, four adult attachment styles were identified: anxious / preoccupied, dismissive / avoidant, disorganized / fearful-avoidant, and secure. Attachment styles develop early in life and often remain stable over time. People with insecure attachment styles might have to put some intentional effort into resolving their attachment disturbances, in order to become securely attached.
It’s human nature to seek contact and relationships, to seek love, support, and comfort in others. In fact, according to social psychologist Roy Baumeister, the ‘need to belong’ is one of the main forces that drives individuals. From an evolutionary perspective, cultivating strong relationships and maintaining them has both survival and reproductive advantages. After all, most of us do ‘need to belong’ and do want closeness and intimacy in our lives. Yet, love and relationships are rarely as perfect and problem-free as we would like them to be.
Maybe you have never really thought through or analyzed your behavior in relationships. Still, you might have noticed repeating patterns in your love life. Have you wondered why you keep ending up in the same situation, even with different partners? Do you get too clingy or jealous? Or do you always seem to be more involved than your partner? Maybe you want to be with someone, but as soon as things get emotionally intimate, you back off?
What is attachment theory?
If you have noticed a pattern of unhealthy and emotionally challenging behaviors in your love life, you might benefit from digging deep and exploring the way you attach to people in intimate relationships. Here is when attachment theory comes in handy. Attachment theory has a long history and has been used as a basis for continuous research, which could be quite interesting to explore and dive into.
The first step is to get acquainted with the basics and understand the different attachment styles identified to this date.
First of all, what are adult attachment styles?
According to psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, one’s relationship with their parents during childhood has an overarching influence on their social (and intimate) relationships in the future. In other words, your early relationship with your caregivers sets the stage for how you will build relationships as an adult.
There are four adult attachment styles:
Anxious (also referred to as Preoccupied)
Disorganized (also referred to as Fearful-Avoidant)
Avoidant (also referred to as Dismissive)
Secure
Before getting into what characterizes the four groups, it might be useful to point out how attachment styles develop in children. The behavior of the primary caregivers (usually one’s parents) contributes to and forms the way a child perceives close relationships. The child is dependent on his or her caregivers and seeks comfort, soothing, and support from them. If the child’s physical and emotional needs are satisfied, he or she becomes securely attached.
This, however, requires that the caregivers offer a warm and caring environment and are attuned to the child’s needs, even when these needs are not clearly expressed. Misattunement on the side of the parent, on the other hand, is likely to lead to insecure attachment in their children.
Which attachment style do you have? Take our free quiz now to find out!
Each one of the four attachment styles has its typical traits and characteristics. Yet, it should be noted that a person does not necessarily fit 100% into a single category: you may not match ‘the profile’ exactly. The point of self-analysis is to identify unhealthy behaviors and understand what you might need to work on in order to improve your love life. So, let’s get to it!
How does each of the four attachment styles manifest in adults?
1. Anxious / Preoccupied
For adults with an anxious attachment style, the partner is often the ‘better half.’ The thought of living without the partner (or being alone in general) causes high levels of anxiety. This type of attachment is associated with a negative self-image, but also with a positive view of others.
The anxious/preoccupied type of person often seeks approval, support, and responsiveness from their partner. People with this attachment style value their relationships highly, but are often anxious and worried that their loved one is not as invested in the relationship as they are. A strong fear of abandonment is present, and safety is a priority. The attention, care, and responsiveness of the partner appears to be the ‘remedy’ for anxiety.
On the other hand, the absence of support and intimacy can lead the anxious/preoccupied type to become more clinging and demanding, preoccupied with the relationship, and desperate for love.
2. Disorganized / Fearful-Avoidant
The disorganized type tends to show unstable and ambiguous behaviors in their social bonds. For adults with this style of attachment, the partner and the relationship themselves are often the source of both desire and fear. Fearful-avoidant people do want intimacy and closeness, but at the same time, experience troubles trusting and depending on others. They do not regulate their emotions well and avoid strong emotional attachment, due to their fear of getting hurt.
3. Avoidant / Dismissive
The dismissing/avoidant type would often perceive themselves as ‘lone wolves’: strong, independent, and self-sufficient; not necessarily in terms of physical contact, but rather on an emotional level.
These people have high self-esteem and a positive view of themselves. The dismissing/avoidant type tend to believe that they don’t have to be in a relationship to feel complete. They do not want to depend on others, have others depend on them, or seek support and approval in social bonds. Adults with this attachment style generally avoid emotional closeness and tend to hide/suppress their feelings when faced with a potentially emotion-dense situation.
4. Secure
The three attachment styles covered so far are insecure attachment styles. They are characterized by difficulties with cultivating and maintaining healthy relationships. In contrast, the secure attachment style implies that a person is comfortable expressing emotions openly. Adults with a secure attachment style can depend on their partners and in turn, let their partners rely on them. Relationships are based on honesty, tolerance, and emotional closeness.
The secure attachment type thrive in their relationships, but also don’t fear being on their own. They do not depend on the responsiveness or approval of their partners, and tend to have a positive view of themselves and others.
Where do you stand?
Now that you are acquainted with the four adult attachment styles, you probably have an idea of which one you lean towards. It is completely normal to recognize features of different styles in your history of intimate relationships. Attachment styles can change with major life events, or even with different partners.
An insecurely attached individual could form a secure bond when they have a securely attached partner. A person with a secure attachment style could, in contrast, develop an unhealthy relationship behavior after experiencing trauma or losing a loved one. So, there is no need to fit any specific profile.
When to worry?
Chances are that many of us don’t fully belong to the securely attached group. Even if we think we have stable relationships, there might be patterns in our behavior that keep bothering us or keep making us stressed/unhappy. Unfortunately, some individuals will recognize themselves in one of the three insecure ‘profiles’ – the less healthy ones. In that case, it is preferable and highly recommended that they address the issue actively and if necessary, seek individual psychological help.
Strongly expressed insecure and unstable attachment styles can cause anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. But here’s the thing: this struggle is simply not necessary, as there are many ways to heal and recover from attachment disturbances.
