That feeling you can't name? It's called emotional exhaustion.

2020 did not relent; the early days of 2021 have been a national nightmare; and if there's a phrase to describe what many of us are feeling it's this: emotionally exhausted.

The frustrating, heartbreaking, unpredictable events of the past months demanded so much. Many of us had to learn new ways of working, of caring for and teaching our children, of staying healthy and remaining connected. The burden of our responsibilities seemed to grow heavier by the day, and if we did find a precious moment to lay down the load, we'd turn on the TV to see racial unrest, hundreds of thousands dead from COVID or a raging mob at the U.S. Capitol.

Many of us are asking, "how much more can we take?" 

"Emotional exhaustion is this sense of overwhelmingness. Overwhelmed to the point where you feel like you don't have the capacity to deal anymore," said Vaile Wright, senior director of health care innovation at the American Psychological Association. "It's physical tiredness. It's mental tiredness. It's difficulty concentrating. It's all the things that we experience when we're just at our capacity."

'A culmination of crises': America is in turmoil, and a mental health crisis looms next

Racial trauma: 'When is the last time you saw a white person killed online?'

And yet, most of us don't have the luxury of stepping away from our responsibilities, especially now. Work calls or the children call or a distraught friend calls. In this era of uncertainty, we can't eliminate some of our biggest stressors nor can we predict which one is coming next.

USA TODAY spoke with three mental health experts who share their tips for navigating these unyielding days. 

What is emotional exhaustion?

Emotional exhaustion is not a specific clinical syndrome, but mental health experts say it can lead to, or be accompanied by, other mental health conditions like a major depressive disorder. The phrase is usually used when talking about burnout, when feelings about stressors and responsibilities mount to the point that someone feels they don't have any energy left to expend. 

It often occurs when the resources we use to perform daily tasks, work, and care for ourselves and others are depleted. Some stress and anxiety is always present, but when we're emotionally exhausted, that stress is prolonged and becomes chronic. The systems we draw from to function deplete, and we effectively burn out. 

Anyone experiencing chronic stress is susceptible to burnout, but it's especially common in fields such as health care and law enforcement, where there's a significant amount of stress and caregiving responsibilities.

Disaster fatigue: COVID-19, hurricanes, wildfires, politics are wearing us out

"Think of the ER nurse who works on a COVID unit, 12-hour shifts, caring for children and an aging parent, and perhaps has added stressors related to health of friends or community political unrest," said Afton Kapuscinski, director of the Psychological Services Center at Syracuse University.

How to tell whether you're emotionally exhausted

Mental experts say there are a number of signs and symptoms associated with emotional exhaustion, including:

• Irritability

• Nervousness

• Frustration

• Difficulty with concentration

• Loss of motivation

• Lack of focus

• General 'brain fog'

• Feeling disconnected from other people

• A sense you're not effective or competent (even if you've been overperforming at home or at work)

• Actual problems with performance, including making more mistakes than usual

There are also physical symptoms, which can include:

• Muscle fatigue and tension

• Headaches

• Stomach problems

• Sleep problems 

Emotional exhaustion can also sometimes lead to apathy and hopelessness, causing us to lose interest in things we once loved. 

"It's probably some kind of unconscious attempt within these people's psyche to actually protect themselves from this onslaught," Kapuscinski said. "They think, 'if I remove myself, I can't be as affected,' just like dissociation in trauma would be."

Set boundaries

For a person to function well, they need a solid foundation: sleep, good nutrition, physical activity and social connection. They also need boundaries. If you're feeling depleted, it's time to assert (or reassert) them.

"You have to ask yourself where your boundaries are being breached, and where you can say no to some things," Wright said. "Because you really can't do all the things. So you have to ask yourself where you aren't being true to yourself."  

Lynn Bufka, associate executive director for practice research and policy at the American Psychological Association, said it's part of identifying what things can be changed and what can't. 

"If you've been supporting a friend or family member, maybe it's our turn to say, 'Hey, I don't have the bandwidth to be your emotional support right now. I care for you. I love you. But I really got to hang up the phone and take care of me for a moment,'" she said.

Don't try to be a superhero

If you're stretched too thin, experts say, ask yourself, “What am I taking on that is optional or that I can pull back from?” If your standard has always been a from-scratch meal, maybe consider frozen or canned vegetables instead. 

You can also try asking a friend or family member to help you problem-solve how to alleviate your burden. 

"When we feel exhausted and hopeless, it’s hard to think clearly and that’s when we can lean on others we trust," Kapuscinski said.

Psychotherapy is also an option, especially if you've been putting it off. Many providers, Kapuscinski said, are conducting therapy through telehealth and some insurance companies are waiving copays.

Think about what refills you emotionally

When you're emotionally depleted, reach for things that make you feel good. 

"If you feel weary and withdrawn try to notice if there were little glimmers of time when you felt the opposite ... that can serve as a guide for what you need to incorporate into your life more," Kapuscinski said.

Ask yourself: What kind of music nourishes me? Which friend makes me laugh? 

When you're overwhelmed, it's hard to dial back stress, which is why experts say the healthiest approach is to try and avoid depletion in the first place.

"The best way to deal with burnout is to prevent it," Kapuscinski said. "It’s a lot less emotionally costly."

How to Practice Mindfulness

Anxiety: The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

The four keys that could unlock procrastination

Procrastination gets the best of all of us, to the detriment of our work, happiness and health. But a new theory could provide us with the easiest way to kick the habit.

Imagine that you could become healthier, wealthier and less stressed through a few daily steps. It would require no great sacrifice on your part, but over the years, your personal and professional life would improve immeasurably in numerous ways.

For many people, procrastination is the major barrier that prevents positive change. Chronic procrastinators are less likely to be in permanent employment, and those with jobs have a vastly reduced income, earning at least $14,000 less than their more proactive colleagues. Procrastinators also struggle to find time to exercise, since they will always put off physical activity for another day. And, thanks to the general chaos that arises from the constant dodging of important tasks, they tend to feel high levels of anxiety. The result is an elevated risk of chronic illnesses, including cardiovascular disease.

But it needn’t be this way, according to cutting-edge research by Jason Wessel. As part of his PhD at Griffith University in Queensland, Australia, Wessel developed a system comprising four simple “reflection points” that target the psychological roots of the problem. Ask yourself these questions on a regular basis, and you’ll find it far easier to resist tempting distractions, allowing you to focus on the things that really matter in your life.

Temporal Motivation Theory

Wessel’s technique is inspired by Temporal Motivation Theory, which proposes four interlinked causes of procrastination.

The first is 'expectancy': we underestimate our chances of doing well at the task, which reduces our overall motivation. The second is our 'sensitivity to delay': many of us fail to properly recognise how badly our current delaying tactics will affect the chances of completing on time. Thirdly, we fail to appreciate the 'value' of the task and the benefits of getting it done on time, which means that we favour our immediate pleasure over long-term consequences. Finally, Wessel argues that we lack the basic 'metacognition' – the self-awareness and capacity to think analytically about our own thinking – which would allow us to identify the ways we might resist these behaviours and put ourselves back on track.

Studies of chronic procrastinators have provided some good evidence for Temporal Motivation Theory but potential antidotes to these problems have so far been woefully under-researched. “There just aren’t many studies yet,” says Wendelien van Eerde at the University of Amsterdam, who conducted a meta-analysis of the available interventions in 2018.

Wessel developed a system comprising four simple “reflection points” that target the psychological roots of the procrastination

In her study, van Eerde found that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy was the only existing method with reliable benefits. During CBT sessions, a professional therapist will help the client to talk through the thoughts, emotions and actions that are limiting their productivity. “You try to recognise what you are doing wrong, and adapt your behaviours to more functional ways of dealing with things,” says van Eerde.

As effective as it may be, though, in-person CBT is relatively time consuming and expensive to deliver, making it hard to roll out en masse. This led Wessel to wonder whether it would be possible to offer a quicker and cheaper alternative.

After careful consideration, he decided to distil the principles of Temporal Motivation Theory to four simple prompts that ask people to consider:

• How would someone successful complete the goal?

• How would you feel if you don’t do the required task?

• What is the next immediate step you need to do?

• If you could do one thing to achieve the goal on time, what would it be?

The university environment provided the perfect environment to test the method. Wessel first recruited more than 100 undergraduates who were due to deliver a written assignment, worth a third of their final grade. To measure their progress, the students were all sent regular text messages, asking them to estimate their overall progress in completing the assignment (from 0% to 100%). Those taking part in the intervention were also asked to reflect on the points listed above at various points over the course of the two weeks. Wessel hoped that contemplating these prompts could bring about the same changes in thinking usually achieved during in-person therapy, but in much shorter bursts. “It’s replicating some of the elements that you would get in a coaching or counselling or therapeutic session,” he says, “but it’s like a ‘micro-dose’.”

When he compared the progress updates of the participants over the course of the two weeks, Wessel found that those contemplating the four reflection points were significantly more likely to get on top of the work early, rather than putting off the assignment until the end of the fortnight. It had, in other words, significantly reduced their procrastinations.

The benefits were not immediate; Wessel says the students needed to consider the different reflection points a few times before they started taking action – a phenomenon he describes as a “sleeper effect”. “There are only so many times that you can tell the app that you know exactly what you need to do, but then not do it,” he says. You might expect the students to have been irritated by the reminders, but most reported that they had learnt a lot from the experience. “They said that we should do this for every course they have.”

A ‘promising approach’

Van Eerde is impressed by the results, and optimistic about the practicality of the intervention. “I think it’s one of the more promising approaches,” she says.

Wessel has already designed an app to help encourage people to improve their diet that follows similar principles, and he speculates that, no matter our goals, we might all benefit from regularly considering these reflection points. If you want to apply this yourself, you might consider putting a couple of daily reminders in your online calendar to ensure that you actually take the time to look at the prompts. “If you notice that you are always putting stuff off, they could be a good way of checking your behaviour.”

The important thing is to regularly question what goals you actually value, and to check whether you’re prioritising them enough

The important thing, he says, is to regularly question what goals you actually value, and to check whether you’re prioritising them enough. You should then work out ways to chunk your task into smaller parts, before taking action on the first possible step. This can create a kind of momentum, he says, which will make procrastination less likely as you go along.

Wessel’s work joins a growing body of research showing how short moments of self-reflection can pay great dividends. A little focused thinking, it seems, can go a long way to increasing your perseverance, organisation and efficiency, so that you have more time to spend on the things that really matter. Those few prompts may just be the secret to a happier and healthier new year.

Anxiety may make you feel...

How to Harness Light to Defeat the Winter Blues

Winter can be a beautiful time full of holiday cheer, gorgeous snowscapes, and fun activities like sledding and skiing. But even with all this fun, some people can't help but experience the winter blues. Their mood takes a dip in the fall and winter even when life is otherwise going well.

Is it winter blues or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?

For about 3 percent of people, this mood downturn is so severe that they have something called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). They not only feel blue but they also experience:

• Loss of interest in things they usually like

• Unusual tiredness or sluggishness

• Trouble sleeping

• A tendency to overeat and gain weight

• Difficulty concentrating and thinking clearly

• Feelings of hopelessness, or sometimes even having suicidal thoughts

Why does this happen? Is there a way to beat the seasonal blues?

Light may be the key to beating the winter blues

The secret may lie in light. That’s right, the free resource that comes from our sun. Plants rely on soaking up light to make food and grow, but it turns out that we animals need light too. Our biology is so wrapped up with light that our metabolism, mood, and thinking are all affected.

Here are some things to know about why light is important for mental health and how to harness it for better health and happiness, especially in the winter months:

Our mood is intimately tied to light

The winter blues and SAD don’t just happen to people because they don’t like winter. There is actually a biological reason for winter depression. Here's a clue: The people most susceptible to winter-induced depression are those living far from the equator. Living farther away from the equator means you get fewer daylight hours in the wintertime.

Light is the single most powerful factor in tuning your body clock.

Because there's less daylight during fall and winter, the body’s circadian rhythm gets disrupted. Light is the single most powerful factor in tuning this body clock, and with less and less of it as we move from fall to winter, the body’s natural rhythms can become less robust. That's bad for your mood, metabolism, cognitive functioning, and many other body systems that play a role in depression. It’s also possible that less sunlight leads to a drop in serotonin, a brain chemical that's important for regulating mood.

Artificial light can boost mood and keep winter blues at bay

The good news is that by artificially adding light to our lives, we can combat the winter blues! Numerous studies have shown that something as simple as using a lightbox can decrease symptoms of SAD. Ideally, you’ll want a full spectrum light source, such as a lightbox designed for this treatment. But even a very bright bulb from the hardware store can help.

Bright light therapy improves your mood by regulating your circadian rhythms and increasing serotonin.

Standard treatment involves using the light for about 30 minutes each morning if it has a brightness level of 10,000 lux, or for about 1-2 hours if it has a brightness level of 2500 lux. For comparison, 10,000 lux is on the low end of ambient daylight, whereas an overcast day is about 1000 lux.

To avoid hurting your eyes, don’t stare directly into the light. Instead, have it offset about 30 degrees from your gaze and about two feet away. You can have your breakfast, check email, or enjoy a morning podcast while you have your lightbox on.

Bright light therapy improves your mood by regulating your circadian rhythms and increasing serotonin. What’s especially great about this treatment is that it can be easily combined with medications or other treatments without interfering or introducing side effects.

There are studies showing that bright light therapy can be combined with taking an antidepressant for an extra boost even in people with year-round depression.

Bright light therapy helps not only with winter blues but with sleep and daytime fatigue

When it comes to sleep, bright light therapy may have an even more direct effect. Often, those with depression (especially seasonal depression) also have later chronotypes, meaning that they are biologically wired to want to sleep and wake later than the average person. This means they’re dealing with a double whammy during winter—they have both a depressed mood and a harder time getting up in the morning.

Bright light therapy first thing in the morning can help to shift night owls’ biological clocks earlier, improving how they sleep at night and how alert and refreshed they feel in the morning.

Luckily, doing bright light therapy first thing in the morning can help to shift night owls’ biological clocks earlier, improving how they sleep at night and how alert and refreshed they feel in the morning.

Bright light doesn’t just help night owls to feel good during the day and sleep well at night. For those with chronic illnesses like Parkinson’s disease and Alzheimer’s dementia, and for those recovering from illnesses like cancer, bright light therapy helps to reduce fatigue and sleepiness during the day. For these patients, light therapy might be particularly welcome news because it's a way to treat symptoms without adding more drugs to their regimen.

Too much of a good thing (at the wrong time) can be counter-productive

If light is so magical, we should all get lots of exposure any time we can, right?

Actually, timing is very important with light therapy.

Remember how light is the strongest tuner for our body clocks? It works by telling our master clock, the suprachiasmatic nucleus, what time it is in the 24-hour cycle. That means light at the wrong times can have exactly the wrong effect. For example, using screens in the evening can disrupt sleep by making a person more alert at bedtime, which means they could have a harder time falling asleep or getting into a deep sleep.

Too much brightness in the evening might contribute to depression symptoms.

It’s not just sleep that’s affected by light at night. Too much brightness in the evening might contribute to depression symptoms, too. One study found elderly people who were depressed were more likely to have brighter environments at night. This was true even after the scientists accounted for sleep, physical activity, and other health factors that might affect depression.

Don’t worry, though—this doesn’t mean you have to put away all of your screens after sunset. It turns out that not all wavelengths of light affect our brains the same way. Shorter wavelengths like blue light stimulate the brain’s master circadian clock, while longer wavelengths like red and orange lights do not. That’s why our cavemen ancestors’ body clocks were not disrupted by their evening campfires.

To mimic the campfire effect, you can turn your phone or tablet screen to night mode, which is dimmer and more orange. You can also wear blue-light-blocking glasses, which are spacey-looking glasses that filter out the shorter wavelengths that affect your circadian clock. Just don’t wear them during the day, because that’s when we do want bright blue lights to come through.

So, brighten up this winter and use the power of light to live healthier and happier!

Medical Disclaimer
All content here is for informational purposes only. This content does not replace the professional judgment of your own mental health provider. Please consult a licensed mental health professional for all individual questions and issues.

Affirmations to heal your inner child

Journaling: Physical & Emotional Benefits

Mental Health Check

You Don't Have to Control Your Thoughts...

Affirmations for Social Anxiety

5 Lessons I Learned About Resilience While Practicing Therapy

During my few years as a therapist I have witnessed patients overcome the unthinkable. I have had the privilege of guiding strong individuals to find their own ways to adapt and move forward after facing the most difficult challenges in their lives. During this experience I have become more and more fascinated with the human spirit and with the choice to be resilient. Resilience is a layered attribute that cannot be fully described in a short article. These are just my personal observations of the resilient individuals I have had the honor to work with.

This is what I have learned so far:

1. Resilience does not always come naturally.

Like most behaviors resiliency is learned. We often develop our understanding of resiliency early on by observing our closest caregivers. Resilient individuals often have parents who communicated that when life throws you curve balls you can lean on your supports, search for solutions and that everything is temporary. Fortunately, if your parents struggled to demonstrate resilient behavior you can still develop resiliency. It is never too late to begin to adjust your thinking patterns and behaviors. Some individuals whose parents did not model resiliency simply decide they want a life that is different from what they have witnessed and choose resiliency. While developing resilience later on in life may not be easy. It is possible.

2.Being resilient does not mean that you always have positive thoughts.

There is often a misconception that therapists want you to “think positive!”. While thinking positive is not necessarily harmful it can become ineffective in your healing. Resilient individuals acknowledge their present feelings rather than force positivity. Why? The only thing that is worse than feeling bad is feeling bad for feeling bad. We invalidate our own emotions by telling ourselves “I shouldn’t feel this way.” or “ I would be happier if I just thought more positively!” It is okay to feel emotions outside of happiness. In fact it is healthy to do so. All emotions make sense. While some emotions are unpleasant to feel we should pay attention to them and try to use them as tools to motivate necessary behaviors. When we feel hungry we eat, when we are thirsty we drink, when we are tired we sleep. Telling yourself you shouldn’t feel hungry will not change the fact that you may need food. So when we are sad, angry, or stressed why don’t we become solution focused instead? Ask “why am I feeling this way?” and “what can I do to feel better?” We have all been guilty of pushing back our present emotions and at times that may be a survival tactic. This does not mean that you are not resilient but rather not ready to feel and heal. Resilient individuals move forward after experiencing adversity while unapologetically feeling whatever emotions come naturally during the process.

3. Being Resilient means accepting your limitations.

Accepting our limitations is not the same as giving up. We are so often conditioned to believe “If I just try harder than I can overcome this.” While, in many cases this may be true it is okay to let go and accept a different reality than what we may have pictured for ourselves. Resilient individuals pour their energy into what is realistic and within their control. They may allow themselves to grieve what could have been but they do not choose to stay stuck trying to force what is not possible. Instead they adapt their vision of what they thought they might be spending their time doing and become solution focused.

4. Resilient people are self compassionate.

Behaviors are not people. Therefore, mistakes do not define people. Resilient individuals understand that they are not defined by their mistakes and accept themselves fully; This includes their flaws, past, limitations and of course their strengths. Resilient people have healthy boundaries, stand up for themselves and when they are asked to do something that may compromise their health and well being they say “no.” While this may be difficult at times for individuals to do. Resilient people still do it anyways.

5. Resilient people take accountability.

Taking accountability does not just mean accepting responsibility for your mistakes and taking actions for changed behaviors. Taking accountability means taking responsibility for all of your behaviors. Resilient people understand that they are in control of their life and do not blame others if their life does not look the way they would like it to. Early on in my therapy training a mentor explained that we have to understand that with some issues “what happened to you may not be your fault, but it is your problem.” In life there will be situations where we will be wronged and wounded. While it is not our fault that we have faced these experiences it is our responsibility to take the steps to heal. It is our responsibility to get up and keep going. At the end of the day we are the ones that have to live our lives and choosing to be ruled by the things that have harmed us will not only prolong our healing but it will not bring justice, peace or joy to our lives.

Trauma Responses

Neuroplasticity

10 things to remember if you have anxiety

Why “New Year, New You” is Damaging to Mental Health

There’s nothing wrong with aspiring to be your best self. We all have dreams, whether that means getting healthy, cutting out your nightly junk food habit, or writing a book. But pinning those aspirations to a specific date can set you up for failure — and mental health issues — in the future. Skip “New Year, new you,” and establish realistic goals for personal success.

Before we discuss just why “New Year, new you” damages your mental health, let’s get a few things straight. Self-improvement? Good. We should all aspire to be our best selves and seek out potential improvements. If you’re eating three pizzas a week, aiming to eat only one pizza (or even two!) is a good thing. And if you’ve always dreamt of being a wildlife photographer, setting a goal of getting into the woods once per week can help you fulfill said dream.

Deadlines — or artificial starting lines — make things tricky. Now, instead of shooting for continual, constant improvement, you’re running a race. Here’s why you should take things easy this January first.

You’re (almost certainly) bound to fail

Sorry to start on such a downer note. But let’s be clear: you’re not bound to fail because you’re unworthy or because your dreams are unrealistic. You’re bound to fail because failing is human. Maybe you’re hoping to lose weight. That’s great! But diving into the new year with a strict diet and a long list of no-no food is setting yourself up for disappointment.

When you place false boundaries on your self-improvement,like, “Come January 1 I’ll be a new person,” it sets unrealistic expectations. Yes, there are a few lucky people who wake up one day with a goal and instantly succeed. (Your Aunt Bertha who quit eating sugar cold-turkey? She’s one of them.) But, for the most part, there are no fresh starts in real life —just slow improvements that keep you on the road to success. But promising yourself “This year, I’ll be perfect” ensures you’ll be disappointed when you screw up, no matter how minor the screw-up is.

“False hope syndrome” is a fickle beast

Psychologists have long wondered why people continue to set resolutions —even when they often fail. The answer? “False hope syndrome,” which researchers describe as a “cycle of failure and renewed effort…characterized by unrealistic expectations about the likely speed, amount, ease, and consequences of self-change attempts.”

On one hand, false hope syndrome is a great example of the ways our brains can convince us to keep moving forward. If we collapsed after each setback, we’d never reach our goals. But it also causes us to leap into January with, well, false hope. Going from such aspirational highs to the real lows of reality can be a crushing blow, which is no good for your emotional health.

You’re more likely to go bold —not realistic

The best goals start with simple, achievable steps. Want to write a book? Great. Setting an achievable goal would include deciding how many words you could conceivably write in a day, or perhaps taking a writing class or finding friends who also enjoy fiction. An unrealistic goal might be “I’m going to write a book this year,” with no further elaboration on how you’re going to pull off that impressive achievement. (Or, for those NaNoWriMo overachievers, this month!)

Setting unrealistic goals is an excellent way to set yourself up for failure — and a set back your mental health. Instead, set SMART goals, literally: a goal that is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-based. This clever acronym comes from the business world, but it’s no less applicable to everyday life-based goals.

You haven’t considered the appropriate lifestyle change

This is the year of my six-minute mile. I know it. Sure, I’m only running a 15-minute mile now, and by “now,” I mean “I last ran three years ago,” but how hard can it be?

Unfortunately, so many goals fail because you haven’t considered the bigger picture: lifestyle change. Running more is great, but you need to understand how increased activity levels fit into your actual day-to-day life. Are you ready to wake up and run every morning? Do you know the best food to refill your energy bar?

Before setting goals, make sure you understand exactly how to achieve them. Willy-nilly resolution-ing is a fantastic way to set yourself up for failure —which is no good for your mental health, especially if you’re repeating the same mistakes year after year.

But there’s hope: smart goal-setting not only will help you beat the annual “I-failed again blues,” but your new-and-improved lifestyle can also better your mental health. Just remember to think about the bigger picture —not just a fly-by-night aspirational and unachievable new you.

Trauma Recovery

Take care of yourself first

It's Okay to...

It’s Okay To Leave Toxic People Behind – Even If They’re Family

It’s hard to cut toxic people off but that doesn’t mean it’s not something you need to do. If someone is hurting you or bringing you down, they shouldn’t be allowed to stick around and keep doing that. 

Toxic people come in all shapes and sizes. They can be friends, people you hardly know, and even family. They could have been in your life since the day you were born or only be someone you’ve met recently. That’s just how it goes. 

When you find yourself dealing with someone toxic you need to know that you do not owe them anything, period. Sure, if they’re your mother or father they may try to act as if they’re entitled to control you just because they brought you into this world but if you’re an adult, they can’t force you into sticking around. If moving on is what’s best for you, do it. 

Toxic people tend to target people who do not deserve the treatment they get. They find the kindest and most caring people to pull apart and it’s wrong, it’s so wrong. While not all toxic people know they are toxic, you shouldn’t let any of them remain in your life without change. Once they prove to you that they’re not willing to make a difference in their lives and yours cutting them off is imperative. 

You deserve respect and kindness. The things you give to others they should be willing to give back and if not, then all you’re doing by keeping them around is wasting your time. These people will destroy you if you allow them to and you shouldn’t allow them to. You are more powerful than you realize and once you find that power, you can do so much. 

While you might be afraid because you’ve been stuck dealing with this person for so long, you can do it. You can break free and let yourself grow. You need to make changes in your life and you can’t do that with toxic people trying to control you. The more in charge you become of your present and your future the more empowered you will find yourself. 

Please take these words to heart. You are not the one in the wrong here. You’re supposed to be living your life not someone else’s. This world was made for you to explore, go do that. 

It is going to be hard and it is going to suck for a long while but it will be worth it in the end. You can do this and you deserve to be happy. Stop letting other people tell you what to do and who to be. Find yourself and really get back out there in any way you see fit. Life is too short to let someone else live theirs through you.